Obama bans Pelosi from Air Force One
by Johnnie C. Laitley
Skinnyreporter.com
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In light of Saturday's plane crash that killed Poland's president and other top leaders, President Barack Obama today issued a policy that prohibits Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi from traveling with him.
"We must ensure that a single catastrophe does not doom the United States," Obama said. "Without Nancy or me, our common goal of fundamentally changing America would die. Nationalizing student loans and getting the tools in place to eliminate private health insurance are just a beginning. We still have a lot of work to do, such as nationalizing the oil industry, equalizing individual income, rewriting the Constitution, outlawing the use of fossil fuels, and amputating our nuclear arms and legs."
Before an adoring crowd of applauding reporters representing CBS, ABC, NBC, CNN, the New York Times and the Washington Post, Obama signed an executive order that prohibits nine persons whom he called "vital links to America's future" from traveling with him. They are Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, former Vice-President Al Gore, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura, hedge fund manager George Soros, NBC commentator Chris Matthews, CBS news anchor Katie Couric and the Today Show's Matt Lauer. Obama said he considered adding former sports reporter and current MSNBC commentator Keith Olberman to the list before learning that Olberman's viewership had dwindled to about 300 a night.
Surprisingly, the hosts of the four most popular radio shows, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and Michael Savage, were unanimous in support of Mr. Obama's order.
"Without liberals we would be out of a job," Limbaugh said. "Liberal politicians already have such a short life in the public eye that we couldn't afford a wholesale accidental reduction.
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"Think about it. Liberals must pretend to be conservatives to get elected, but once they start voting to raise taxes, eliminate private enterprise, ruin the economy and reward slackers, the public kicks them to the curb. Just 10 years ago the big time liberal politicians were Al Gore, Bill Clinton, Tom Daschle, George Mitchell and John Edwards. What are they doing now? They already have been consigned to the ash heaps of history — propagandizing skulls full of mush at cushy college jobs, producing mockumentaries or trying to forget about sex scandals."
Upon learning that he made the list, Chris Matthews, known for his brutally objective reporting, said, "This makes me even more committed to doing my job, which I've previously stated is to do everything I can to make this presidency work. I'm so proud of what we have done already, that I have tingles running not only up my legs but down them, too."
Harry Reid heard about the executive order from a reporter who saw him carrying a fishing rod to his boat at Lake Mead just 20 minutes from Las Vegas. He openly wondered why he had been placed on the list.
"I'm already behind by six points in my re-election campaign," he noted with a frown. "If any more independent voters find out that I'm aligned with the people behind the tripling of our national debt and the ruination of our economy here in Nevada, I'll be out on my bass ... I mean, bass boat!"
Al Gore didn't seem disappointed to make the list. "I made so much money from 'An Inconvenient Truth' that I can afford to take my own jet wherever I need to go," he said. "And I need to travel a lot nowadays to convince people to sell their cars and buy skateboards so that we can preserve our precious fossil fuels."
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