"If I only could have spent more time on my songs," he said of his Season Two experience, "maybe Paula Abdul wouldn't have laughed at me. And I always thought she was nice until she told me that only dogs could hear my high notes. Well, maybe she should have her ears checked because up close she's a dog. Did you notice they threw her out as soon as the show went to HD?"

Gia Major, a female baritone from Alaska and an Idol reject during Season 4, said her work as a fish gutter on a noisy cannery boat has damaged her ears as well as her hands. She said she kept forgetting to wear her chain mail gloves at work and eventually lost four fingers and half a thumb.

"This health insurance reform will enable me to quit work and get back to doing what my mom tells me I do best, singing my own beat box tunes. At least Simon won't be there next year to tell me I sound like a suicidal cat jumping off the Bridge to Nowhere."

Will Trill said he might not continue seeking his dream of becoming a backup singer on a country band even though he said "Obamacare would definitely make things easier."

Trill said he has worked hard to lower his singing voice but has seen virtually no progress since Cowell called him "a certifiable psychopath with the voice of an angel — a death angel with vocal chords stretched tighter than the strings of Roger Federer's racket."

Justin Casey Howells, who tried out in Season 1 with his pet beagle, Pitchy, howling harmony, said he has not been able to find a replacement for his deceased pet.

"But if Nancy Pelosi says I don't have to keep working at Walmart," he said, "I'm quitting tomorrow. I'll drive from coast to coast until I can find another harmonizing hound."

Grocery bagger Mosley Sharpe of Harm Pit, Ohio, said he has tried to practice singing at work ever since he was cut from Season Five, but patrons have complained that he can't hit the right notes.

"With more practice and without hearing criticism every day," he said, "I'm sure I can sit at my Roland keyboard every day and train my ear to hear the notes. My voice teacher, Olav Key, said I'm only about half a note from perfection."

Western guitarist-singer Ron Kords of Rock Hollow, Texas, said extra practice time will enable him to train his fingers to fly over his fretboard.

"With Ms. Pelosi's help, I'll be able to stop fretting about my frets," he said. "I have C, G and A down pretty good, but now that I can practice all day I should be get a lot better and quit playing the wrong chords."

Inderang Qui, who calls himself the Persian Purring Cat of Cool, said he will be able to eliminate his Iranian accent once he quits his job as a server at Olive Garden in Moscow, Idaho.

"My singing voice good enough for win American Idol," he said. "Just Simon and Paula say they not understand me. That maybe true in Season 7, but next year I talk like real American."

Pelosi promised her audience that they could depend on her for a job if lack of money becomes a problem before fame arrives.

"The President promised millions of new jobs," she said, "so if you need to go back to work for a few weeks, just call me. The restaurants and the gentlemen's clubs are going to be begging for employees with all their old workers switching to music and acting careers."