Time to cull humans, environmentalists argue

by B. A. Ware
Skinnyreporter.com

BERKELEY, Calif. — The population bomb has exploded, requiring drastic culling to ensure the survival of any mammalians at all, according to environmentalist scientists.

"Out-of-control human populations threaten the very survival of humans as a species," said Forrest Wood, chief research analyst for Earth First. "We've now reached the point of no return unless we start to reduce populations."

A. Dolph Iddler of the National Association of Zoology and Ichthyology (NAZI) said humans have overmultiplied to such a degree that they already have devoured most fish and wildlife.

"There aren't enough fish in the ocean to satisfy the insatiable demand of just one species, homo sapiens," he said. "We must implement the final solution, which is to initiate and support a program of population reduction."

Dr. Eric R. Pianka of the University of Texas, a desert hermit and herpetologist who reportedly wrote his own Wikipedia biography as well as his own pre-obituary, told an admiring crowd of applauding students and professors that human numbers should be reduced by 90 percent. He reportedly received a standing ovation for advocating the use of the Ebola virus, saying it kills faster than AIDS.

Some scientists, however, have rejected plans that call for the spread of a dangerous virus because such a method of population control could not be expected to kill more than 5 percent of humans. They say that many medical doctors and medical researchers, acting against the best interests of Mother Earth, would respond quickly to a pandemic, quarantining the sick and creating vaccines.

"The worst thing that ever happened to the earth was the invention of DDT because it allowed human populations to skyrocket," environmental historian Ofun Wong of Chinese United for Life Limits (CULL) told Skinnyreporter. "DDT pretty well eliminated the insect vectors that carried yellow fever, sleeping sickness and malaria and opened up vast portions of the earth, permitting human populations to run rampant.

"We're lucky that we environmentalists were able to convince the government that DDT thinned the shells of falcons because we were able to outlaw its use before carrier mosquitoes and tsetse flies were driven to extinction. Just think how bad things would be today if malaria had not been allowed to make a remarkable comeback, killing at least 102 million homo sapiens organisms."

Mongolian population expert Yutha Naja has called for United Nations police to capture people in the most heavily populated countries and force them to undergo sterilization.

"We have too many Indians, too many Africans and too many Asians," Naja said. "And if we don't do anything about it, we'll have way, way too many."

David Brower, Friends of the Earth, said bearing children should be a crime unless the parents hold a license to reproduce. He said all potential parents should be "required to use contraceptive chemicals, the government issuing antidotes to citizens chosen for childbearing.”

Cher Ruskin Head, United Nations overpopulation czar, who shares a husband with a German supermodel, said citizens who are likely to bear children with genetic disorders should be barred from reproducing altogether.

"Jews, blacks, hemophiliacs, albinos, ADD sufferers, people who are too short or too tall or too fat, alcoholics, drug addicts and any other person whose offspring are likely to be a drain on society should be neutered by coercion," she said.

An opponent of her proposal is Jean Poole of the Concerned Climate Change Professionals (CCCP), who said the first population reductions should take place in the United States because Americans use more resources per capita than any other nation.

"I don't think we could persuade the government to start thinning out people," she said. "But we can start fighting things that keep people alive longer than necessary. We must stop funding cancer research, for one thing. Cancer is nature's way of trimming the population. Also, we should fight to repeal seat belt laws, drunk driving laws, motorcycle helmet laws and other regulations that are artificially allowing humans to live too long."

Senna Sayid of the Indian Subcontinent Overpopulation Bureau (I-SOB) said socialized medical care could reduce the average life span of humans, which would go a long way toward ameliorating the impacts of excessive reproduction. She said poor people in her homeland of India as well as throughtout the earth have life spans about 30 years shorter than wealthy people.

"The problem is that people with money can afford better medical care," she said, "and so they live longer. Under socialized medicine money no longer determines who gets the best care. It is in government's best interest to give the best care to young workers who have many years of productivity remaining, not the old who are leeches on society.

"Under the best system, death should be planned to coincide with the end of a person's productive working life. My colleagues and I have been pushing for a maximum life span of 50."